nekare

In tonight's game, ( the rest under a cut for those who don't care. )

And that's where we left off.

Today's poem:

Bright Wings

I was walking in the garden looking for the intermediaries
between me and the clear light. I had left the hose running
much too long. Something was eating holes in the ear-soft
leaves of the morning glories. I saw for the first time
that the neighbor was growing corn - the yellow shocks
were leaning just above the cinder-block fence, and they
looked delicate and scruffy, like city corn, like alien corn,
and suddenly there was so much to be done, so much to
put in order, not the ordinary business of loving and dying,
but the ordinary business that comes bundled with them:
Sunlight behaved perfectly in every corner, the shadows breathed
in their one direction and told stories, our cat crouched in the flower bed
aching to kill something: How do you explain being so convinced,
so utterly taken by the idea that beauty is somehow moral?
I mean in this day and age? I mean now when no one can even get
that equation to hold up? But the ants have formed a black
ribbon that leads to a dead snail. But the Pipers and Cessnas
and Beechcraft are circling and banking for the airport with
so much color and precision. But the dogs two houses down
have heard the mail-carrier's foot, and they have erupted.
This is not the argument I'm looking for. And I have been lazy.
Tangerines and lemons have swollen and dropped from their
impatient branches. They lie among the fern and the vine, bruised
and mushy. They are being swarmed. They are being devoured.

--Frank X. Gaspar

***

The Last...

Movie I watched: Project Hail Mary
Series I finished: Dark Winds
Book I finished: The Raven Scholar by Antonia Hodgson
Book I bought: Enemy of My Enemy by Alex Segura
Book I received as a gift: Wild and Woolly Knitted Animals: A Naturalist's Notebook by Sara Elizabeth Kellner, Tanis Gray
Food I ate: Kimchi salad
Meal I cooked: Fried rice
Drink I had: coffee with almond milk
Song I listened to: "Smooth" by Santana
Album I listened to: I don't really do albums these days
Playlist I listened to: Don't really do playlists either
Concert I went to: Uhmm... Leonard Cohen about 12 years ago?
Game I played: Clues by Sam
Person I talked to: The Boy
Person I texted: my mom

First of all, relax! I'm far from being picky, and I can pretty much guarantee that I'll love whatever you decide to create for me. These are nothing but guidelines, for you to take to heart or ignore to your heart's content. Also, hey! You're writing me fic or drawing me art! That's automatically a good reason for me to love you, no matter what. So, please, keep that in mind. Trust me, you can pretty much do no wrong. ♥

( More details under the cut. )

Today's poem:

For everyone who tried on the slipper before Cinderella

after Anis Mojgani and Audre Lorde

For those making tea in the soft light of Saturday morning
in the peaceful kitchen
in the cool house
For those with shrunken hearts still trying to love
For those with large hearts trying to forget
For those with terrors they cannot name
upset stomachs and too tight pants
For those who get cut off in traffic
For those who spend all day making an elaborate meal
that turns out mediocre
For those who could not leave
even when they knew they had to
For those who never win the lottery
or become famous
For those getting groceries on Friday nights

There is something you know
about living
that you guard with your life
your one fragile, wonderful life
wonder, as in, awe,
as in, I had no idea I would be here now.

For those who make plans and those who don’t
For those driving across the country to a highway that knows them
For the routes we take in the dark, trusting
For the roads for the woods for the dead humming in prayer
For an old record and a strong sun
For teeth bared to the wind
a pulse in the chest
a body making love to itself

There is every reason to hate it here
There is a list of things making it bearable:
your friend’s shoulder Texas barbecue a new book
a loud song a strong song a highway that knows you
sweet tea an orange cat a helping hand
an unforgettable dinner

a laugh that escapes you and deflates you
like a pink balloon left soft with room
for goodness to take hold

For those who have looked in the mirror and begged
For those with weak knees and an attitude
For those called "sensitive" or "too much"
For those not called enough
For the times you needed and went without
For the photo of you as a child
quietly icing cupcakes your hair a crackling thunderstorm

Love is coming.
It's on its way.
Look—

--Ariana Brown

*

Today's poem:

And Then It Was Less Bleak Because We Said So
by Wendy Xu

Today there has been so much talk of things exploding
into other things, so much that we all become curious, that we
all run outside into the hot streets
and hug. Romance is a grotto of eager stones
anticipating light, or a girl whose teeth
you can always see. With more sparkle and pop
is the only way to live. Your confetti tongue explodes
into acid jazz. Small typewriters
that other people keep in their eyes
click away at all our farewell parties. It is hard
to pack for the rest of your life. Someone is always
eating cold cucumber noodles. Someone will drop by later
to help dismantle some furniture. A lot can go wrong
if you sleep or think, but the trees go on waving
their broken little hands.

*

Okay, crispy rice = pretty good. I tossed 1 cup of cooked rice with 2 tbsp low sodium soy sauce, 1 tbsp of olive oil, 1 tsp of toasted sesame oil, a sprinkling of garlic powder, and 1 diced shallot, spread it on a foil-lined sheet pan, and cooked it at 400°F for 25 minutes. I still have a bunch of rice left, so I might make fried rice tomorrow.

The salad part was less successful. I cleared some stuff out of the freezer - an old bag of frozen corn, a handful of frozen roasted chicken chunks I got in my misdelivered grocery order a few weeks ago - and then I added some toasted sesame seeds, some dry-roasted peanuts, and some arugula. The dressing was lime juice, toasted sesame oil, ground ginger, and olive oil (all scaled down for one serving) - it was ok, but I wouldn't make it again.

The stuff in the salad was mismatched and didn't go well together, which is my own fault, since I didn't really think about anything but the rice ahead of time. If I did it again, I might use shredded cabbage instead of arugula, and leave out the corn and the peanuts. I might also just dress it with olive oil and vinegar.

If I do it again, I will probably eat the crisped rice by itself, maybe with some scrambled egg like in fried rice, and some scallions. And I'd keep the toasted sesame seeds, because those are always tasty.

Here is today's poem:

An old story
by Bob Hicok

It's hard being in love
with fireflies. I have to do
all the pots and pans.
When asked to parties
they always wear the same
color dress. I work days,
they punch in at dusk.
With the radio and a beer
I sit up doing bills,
jealous of men who've fallen
for the homebody stars.
When things are bad
they shake their asses
all over town, when good
my lips glow.

*

I'm reading a book on recent research on dinosaur evolution (The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs by Steve Brusatte - apparently he has a book on bird evolution coming out soon and I'm definitely picking that up when I can) and it is blowing my miiiiiiind.

For example!

Did you know birds don't have hollow bones because they evolved them to fly? Birds have hollow bones because dinosaurs (saurians in particular - like Brontosaurus type creatures - but some of the other lineages as well) evolved them because it gave them an edge on growing large without being overly heavy, cooling themselves, and efficiently extracting oxygen from the air to support their enormous bodies. The super-efficient lungs that birds have were also a dinosaur adaptation to being big in hot climates, not a bird adaptation to flight. So basically, birds have ultralight bones and efficient lungs not because they evolved them to fly, but because dinosaurs needed these things in order to grow huge, and this turned out to be incidentally useful in radiating out into aerial niches when they began to evolve wings.

I also find it a fascinating experience to read this paleontology book when I've done so much reading on archaeology as a hobby interest. Archaeology books go into great depth on careful excavation techniques, sifting all the tiny bits of material and keeping everything in its proper location, and how incredibly tragic it is that so many sites of the past were excavated carelessly and so all of that information on the relative positioning of discoveries and small bits of material is lost ...

Meanwhile, paleontologists: so we took our hammers and started hacking up this rock formation to get the bones out. :D Also a local rancher sold us a dinosaur skeleton he found!!

(I mean I'm exaggerating a bit and the huge time difference is important, but also, lol.)

Another thing I was thinking about in one particular chapter, though the book doesn't address it specifically, is something I've thought about before, which is that we assume some creatures are primitive representations of what their kind used to look like, when in fact they are perfectly well adapted to their current niche, and their ancestors looked nothing like that. Alligators and crocodiles are the thing I was thinking of here - they look primitive, with those sprawling legs and inefficient means of walking, but in fact, early crocodiles hundreds of millions of years ago had their legs under the body and could sprint like a greyhound. (Which is terrifying, by the way.) They look like they do now, not because they could never run - they could! - but because other, more efficient dry-land runners out-competed them and they lost the running ability and retreated into the amphibious predator niche that they currently occupy.

Another example of this, not from this book - recent research on the human evolutionary tree suggests (at least according to one book I was reading a while back on the Miocene period) that the ancestor of both humans and chimpanzees was a sort of generalist creature, a couple of tens of million years back, that could both climb trees and walk upright. Humans ended up adapting to the walking/striding niche and losing the tree climbing, while chimpanzees did the opposite, adapted to climbing trees and became much less efficient at moving about on the ground. So rather than descending from a chimpanzee-like tree climber, we and chimpanzees are both specialized creatures who do not resemble our common ancestor all that much.

I just love this kind of thing.

To the shock of absolutely no one, I have thoughts related to the Season 4 trailer that was released for The Legend of Vox Machina a few days ago.

( Vague spoilers for CR1 under the cut for those trying to go in unspoiled for the campaigns, since there may or may not be similarities in the animated series for some storylines. )

I'm very behind on Critical Role and have been rewatching the first ten episodes for the past week or so. Now that I'm caught up to the point where I was before life became very chaotic, I'm going to try to get properly catch-up over the next few weeks.

As with previous posts about the current campaign of Critical Role, this will be a combination of quotes, random thoughts, and some speculation. And it's obviously full of spoilers (albeit vague ones in places).

( Spoilers under the cut. )

I made these salt bread rolls today (pic), and they are very tasty, but I think I still like pretzel rolls better, even with the mess of having to boil them before baking. There isn't much I like better than a big old soft pretzel, so pretzel rolls are where it's at for me. The salt bread is good though - very buttery.

I also made rice this afternoon in preparation for making a crispy rice salad tomorrow. I am very intrigued by the idea of crispy rice salad, but I don't know if I will like it in actuality, even though I like all the components I plan to put in it. (I'd also be more confident if every recipe I look at didn't call for a different type of rice. I made basmati, for the record.) I guess I'll report back tomorrow and how it goes.

And it's been a full day of watching hockey, after a long night of watching hockey last night. It's been exciting, but so much more relaxing since my team isn't in it.

And finally, here is today's poem:

Why You Should Never Marry A Poet
by Heather Bell

Think about it - the way that credit cards, bougainvillea,
vacations, dictionaries, the road on the way to work will

all never be enough. The poet wishes
with her deepest bones
and writes that she wishes
she would have killed you

in the supermarket. She wonders why
she ever loved you in song.

She publishes book after book. Each line detailing
how your hair is ugly and monstrous in the morning. And how,
like moss, you cling to her
so piteously.

But you marry her anyway.
and she looks like a roar of snow
in white. You figure she will read a poem about you
that day in front of everyone: her throat

is, after all, a stamen
or matchstick.

But she is silent, says only the I DO's
and a few Bible verses.

The poet loves with a most violent
heart. What you have not known-
she has wanted to tell you the truth
all of these years,

but grew silent as an old lover does
at eighty. There is no way to say

how one loves the ache of your cracked lips,
the heavy belly of your tongue, the years she spent
feeling not loved,
but still loving. Think about it-

the poet is fearful of others knowing and finding your mouth.

She is frightened of you -
realizing you could have been
loved better or harder
or with real words.

***

I've been trying to get my mother to watch The Mighty Nein for a while, and I finally got her to start this morning by volunteering to stay on the phone with her while she watched the first episode. She's one of those people who likes to talk constantly throughout when watching something new, asking questions and the like, so I sucked it up and stayed on the phone with her even though I'm the opposite and hate talking while watching something.

Then she decided to watch just one more episode. And then one more after that. And, well, you get the picture.

... yeah, she's five episodes in now, and the only reason she's not further along is because my father came in for lunch so she had to take a break for a bit. The rate she's going, she'll be finished with the whole season by later today.

Does anyone know where I can get a Trinity Santos icon? [eta: icon acquired!]

*

Always need some Dorianne Laux during poetry month, so here's today's poem:

Prayer
by Dorianne Laux

Sweet Jesus, let her save you, let her take
your hands and hold them to her breasts,
slip the sandals from your feet, lay your body down
on sheets beaten clean against the fountain stones.
Let her rest her dark head on your chest,
let her tongue lift the hairs like a sword tip
parting the reeds, let her lips burnish
your neck, let your eyes be wet with pleasure.
Let her keep you from that other life, as a mother
keeps a child from the brick lip of a well,
though the rope and bucket shine and clang,
though the water's hidden silk and mystery call.
Let her patter soothe you and her passions
distract you, let her show you the light
storming the windows of her kitchen, peaches
in a wooden bowl, a square of blue cloth
she has sewn to her skirt to cover the tear.
What could be more holy than the curve of her back
as she sits, her hands opening a plum.
What could be more sacred than her eyes,
fierce and complicated as the truth, your life
rising behind them, your name on her lips.
Stay there, in her bare house, the black pots
hung from pegs, bread braided and glazed
on the table, a clay jug of violet wine.
There is the daily sacrament of rasp and chisel,
another chair to be made, shelves to be hewn
cleanly and even and carefully joined
to the sun-scrubbed walls, a sharp knife
for carving odd chunks of wood into small toys
for the children. Oh Jesus, close your eyes
and listen to it, the air is alive with bird calls
and bees, the dry rustle of palm leaves,
her distracted song as she washes her feet.
Let your death be quiet and ordinary.
Either life you choose will end in her arms

*

I've gotta admit, I'm really excited about this movie. Also? Considering all of the drama that's been going on the last few years in regards to its release, the very obvious shade they throw at Warner Bros. in the trailer made me cackle.

It's been a few years since I posted some Shakespeare on his birthday, but I am tired so have one of the most famous poems in the Western canon:

Sonnet 18: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
By William Shakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:
   So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
   So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

*

I was all excited that it's Thursday, thinking about how there'd be a new episode of The Pitt until I remembered, alas, that there will be no new episodes until next January. Sigh.

I keep meaning to post my thoughts here and not doing it, so in brief, my thoughts on the season 2 finale of The Pitt: ( spoilers )

I guess this sounds like I had a lot of complaints but I really loved this season - I just thought the writing fell down a little sometimes, for some characters.

*

Finally getting back to my Dragaera reread, which was originally happening in late 2025. My reread is all over the place - I'm not doing every book - but the last one I read was Vallista in December, and now I'm rereading Hawk, and I just got to A Thing.

( Spoilers for Hawk and Tsalmoth )

Edit: originally had noted this as spoilers for Lyorn and changed it to Tsalmoth, as I had apparently forgotten which book that happened in ...

Edit2: Another spoiler for Hawk: ( Under here )

In tonight's game, ( the rest under a cut for those who don't care. )

And that's where we left off.

Today's poem:

Pyrocumulus
by Arthur Sze

Peony shoots rise out of the earth;

at five a.m., walking up the ridge,

I mark how, in April, Orion's left arm

was an apex in the sky, and, by May,

only Venus flickered above the ridge

against the blue edge of sunrise.

In daylight, a pear tree explodes

with white blossoms—no black-

footed ferret slips across my path,

no boreal owl stirs on a branch.

At three a.m., dogs seethed and howled

when a black bear snagged a shriveled

apple off a branch; and, waking out

of a black pool, I glimpsed how

fire creates its own weather

in rising pyrocumulus. Reaching

the ditch, I drop the gate: it's time

for the downhill pipes to fill,

time for bamboo at the house

to suck up water, time to see sunlight

flare between leaves before

the scorching edge of afternoon.

***

Happy Wednesday!

I'm taking search offline sometime today to upgrade the server to a new instance type. It should be down for a day or so -- sorry for the inconvenience. If you're curious, the existing search machine is over 10 years old and was starting to accumulate a decade of cruft...!

Also, apparently these older machines cost more than twice what the newer ones cost, on top of being slower. Trying to save a bit of maintenance and cost, and hopefully a Wednesday is okay!

Edited: The other cool thing is that this also means that the search index will be effectively realtime afterwards... no more waiting a few minutes for the indexer to catch new content.

I've been playing Pokémon Go since it was first released back in 2016. The thing is, I've always been fairly off-and-on with my playing.

It's mostly been because I've never had any PokéStops or gyms that I could access from home/work. On the days when I'm out and about, I could walk around and visit them, but that's definitely not something I could do every day. Especially now that my job is hybrid. I only have so much capability to deal with people in a given week, so on days when I'm working remotely it's not unusual for me to avoid all human contact whatsoever.

And, well, the game intentionally punishes you for that. Outside of a brief period during the height of the pandemic where they extended the range of PokéStops and gyms, you miss out on things if you don't actually go outside and spin those regularly as that's where you get a lot of items that can be used in the game to do things like catch new Pokémon.

Anyway, I do have a point! There's a PokéStop that I can access from anywhere in my new apartment. I've been playing the game significantly more the past month or so because it's so much more rewarding when I can easily access new items (including Poké Balls).